I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Randomize
