He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
