i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
