after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
