PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
