My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
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