A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
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