If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Princesses don't give blow jobs
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
