Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
