I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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