I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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