Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
he was CRYING into my vagina
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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