hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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