he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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