got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I think your dad took our porno
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
