Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
