these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
