when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
