The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
