I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Randomize
