is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
