Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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