I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Randomize
