1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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