Just fell off a train. Bad.
Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize
