Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I would fuck him just for his dog
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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