we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
