so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I had to cum in my sink.
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