You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
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