Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Randomize
