tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Randomize
