Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Sorry about my life...
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
