Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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