I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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