i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
