you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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