just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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