well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
