So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
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