whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
