Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Shame - the story of my life.
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