we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
