Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
