dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
