Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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