And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
