Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
