im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
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