I think I died a long time ago.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
