Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
