Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
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