im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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