I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
