When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Randomize
