I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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