I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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